yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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