there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
