I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
