Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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