I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize