soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
do herpes really smell.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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