is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
