So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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