he shaved USA in his pubs
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
