I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
