Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
