Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
