This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
