I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
