yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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