i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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