i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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