Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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