I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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