Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Mom said you looked used
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize