I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
