Where are you?
In a non slutty way
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
