i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The power of my boobs compel you
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
