oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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