Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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