I wish I could punch you in the face.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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