No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize