Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She bit a glass in half.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
