she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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