So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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