somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
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I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
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she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize