im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
