it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
