ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
