So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
