What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Still dying that you shit outside
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
