she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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