thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
