Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
