my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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