I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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