I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We left the knife in your bed.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
