as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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