cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
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I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
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He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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