I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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