He managed to light the Jello on fire...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
