My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
