don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
