I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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