So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
