You're earring is so big in my mouth
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
