I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
