So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
