Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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