i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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