My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
