he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
