The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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