there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
