hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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